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User blog:MonkeyInATank/James Bond vs Jeff Dunham
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! JAMES BOND! VS! JEFF DUNHAM! BEGIN!!! James: Hello, Jeff, I'm sure you know who this is I'm 007, James Bond, bitches You're a no-name puppeteer who can't rap for crap I'm afraid my victory is written, old chap I'm a famous secret agent, escaper of danger I've got the Midas Touch, I have a Goldfinger My rhymes are locked and loaded, aimed at your face So just go ride off in your Blue Prius someplace Jeff: Hello, everyone, my name is Jeff Dunham Escaper of danger? You always use a stuntman! You think you can beat me? You Only Live Twice After this battle, I'll take away one of your lives You're a no-talent, seven actors have played you I'll finish you off, my rhymes will Skyfall on you You rescue girls in all your missions but don't have a spouse Keep your legs down, I don't wanna see up your blouse James: I have a License to Kill, so don't piss me off After hearing your rhymes, I just have to scoff I get all my money from the Casino Royale You get all your money playing with puppet dolls Achmed: We're not dolls, we're world-renowned characters Try shaving your face, you look like a terrier I'm the Dead Terrorist, and I'll spit it like bombs They'll explode in your face From Russia With Love James: You needed your little puppets to help you Anyday, I can beat you and your crew I'm James Bond, The Man with the Golden Gun I'm winning, and I'm not even close to being done Peanut: I'm a Micronesian monkey, and I'm still smarter than you You do your job for fun, we Moonrake a ton of revenue We may be puppets, but we make people laugh real hard He may have a Prius, but it's still a better car You've used your f***ing Ferrari for over 30 years When I watch your movies, I'm always bored with tears We're famous around the globe, you're an Octopussy Get through this battle, you'll live to Die Another Day James: Diamond are Forever, your show was 7 episodes You do your act for cash, to my job I devote It's not for fun, it's to save people in peril When we're done, I'm gonna go see your ex Sheryl Jose: That's the best you could do, a sex innuendo? I'm the pepper on a stick, Jose Jalapeno My rhymes are flaming hot, so don't give me any sass Even if you eat me, I could still burn your ass Imma poke out your Living Daylights with my stick If you wanna win this battle, you can suck my dick James: Your dick is your stick, you wanna put it in my face? You're gay, I hope you're seedless, I despise your race It's the Quantum of Solace, and I have a View to Kill You're done for now, cause my rhymes are so ill Walter: It's not over till the fat lady sings, bitch Probably my wife, she has a seven-year itch But enough about me, what's your story, James? I get bored of your movies after watching one frame James: An old man? Ha! That's your last resort? If you wanna beat me, have a better retort I'm famous in every theater, you have your hands up puppet's butts You used to get lots of money, but now you're in a rut Jeff: Hey, guys, let's do a new show, it's called Kick this Guy's ass Peanut: Just go back to your lair and start smoking grass Achmed: We're the Dunham gang, and we can't be beaten Walter: You're skinnier than all the bacon I've eaten Jose: There's no way out, Bond, Tomorrow Never Dies Achmed: Challenge us again and your ass is gonna get fried Peanut: We listen to the fans, you only care about blondes Jeff: It's over, your reputation is Gone, James Gone WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! Who won? James Bond Jeff Dunham Hey, guys, this is MonkeyInATank here. I know what you're thinking: "This is one of the weirdest battles I've ever read". Well, I really like it. I had to find someone to rap against Bond and I know you're saying: "Why not Austin Powers?" Well, to answer you're question, I like to be original. Well, comment, vote, follow, etc. MonkeyInATank (talk) 14:02, December 21, 2012 (UTC) Category:Blog posts